-
1 My Friends, thou didst write: "By the way, I could not find a link on your site to send you e-mail. Am I loosing my old knightly mind?" Nay, my good Friends: thy mind hath naught gone astray. The foundation of thy sanity rests firm as upon a rock; thy keen senses are still strong as a great wall upon which the waves of madness futilely break!
2 Attend now, and thou shalt ferret out the secret of my wayward address...
2 A multitude of heads hath this Beast; and a myriad of mouths; which groweth abruptly and yet are reconsumed most suddenly so that the number thereof can naught be counted. And from the mouths of S'Pam great rivers of ordure doth flow; yea, in torrents streaming and roaring like unto thunder doth excrement spew forth from its many mouths, without end or ceasing.
3 For the nether end of this Beast is like unto a great mouth sunk to the blackest depths of this pit; and like unto a mighty chasm is this mouth, into which all the filth and corruption and excrement of Hell doth flow without cease or ending; for in this manner doth S'Pam feed upon the Corruption of Hell, and in this way doth S'Pam spew forth that which it consumeth, endlessly. But the nature of S'Pam is thus: whomsoever shalt tasteth of that Fountain of Uncleanliness and drinketh deep of that filth which the Beast doth spew, even he shall yieldeth thereby all his Life and sustenance unto S'Pam.
4 For unless there be those who shall tasteth and drinketh of that Well of Corruption, than the Abomination doth shriveleth and shrinketh upon itself even as a fig doth shrivel and shrink in the noonday sun. So that S'Pam desireth naught more than to call unto itself all those who might drinketh full well of that filth which it itself doth vomiteth, endlessly; and drinking deeply thereof, go forth into the World that they might speweth endlessly thereon; so that the face of the Earth might be covered with the spewings of S'Pam, unto a depth of forty cubits, even.
5 And that all Mankind might thereby drowneth in the very filth and corruption of Hell.
2 "Thou shalt have nubile young women at thy feet," sayeth this Prophet. "And red sportscars at thy command; condos in the Caribbean and yachts in Malibu, even an thou art a pimply-faced nerd from Manhattan. Thou shalt wearest designer clothing custom-fitted just for thee, nor shalt the likes of Levis covereth thy nakedness; thou shalt eateth only of the Good Things: Escargot, Filet Mignon and Caviar shalt be thy portion all the days of thy life although thou art but a four-eyed geek from Cincinnati.
3 "Snooty waiters in tony French restaurants shalt thou tread underfoot; thy private jet shalt await thy pleasure at the airport; thou shalt be on a first-name basis with all the CEOs of the Fortune 500 and superstar entertainers shall inviteth thee to all their parties an thou wilt but bow down and worship S'Pam." But though these be but lies from the very Father of Lies, yet many heard the words of the False Prophet; and yet many more did read the False Gospel; and hearing and reading these false words, they did believe them.
4 Whereby they cried out as with one voice: "Yes, yes: we believe! Show unto us the way whereby we might have all the Good Things thou hast promised!" Whereupon the False Prophet didst shew them the way which the Beast had revealed unto him; and showing them the way, didst take from them their very sustenance and life and money.
5 Wherefore, because they didst bow down before S'Pam and listeth unto the False Prophet and believeth his false words which he didst preach from the Gospel of Lies; therefore art the worshipers of S'Pam called S'Pammers after the Abomination which they followeth; and they didst multiply and cover the face of the Earth.
2 And the name of these glamours were "Get Rich Quick and Easily $$$$$"; and "Hot XXX Adult Site"; and "Long Life, Great Sex With Herbs". And a great many other such spells and enchantments did the False Prophet reveal, for the number of these is multitude and myriad is the host thereof; whereby even the Elect might be tempted, and being tempted, might fall; and falling, shouldst offer up their sustenance and money unto S'Pam.
3 Then spake the S'Pammers unto the False Prophet, saying "We have done that which thou sayest: we have conjured the spells which thou hast revealed unto us, yet still no money flows into our hands nor coin into our coffers". And he cried unto them: "Patience! For all shall now be revealed whereby all that I have promised thee shalt be fulfilled".
4 Wherewith he didst shew them how they might summon forth from the very Bowels of Hell a myriad of imps and demons; and pressing them into their service, the numbers of these imps and demons being legion and the name thereof art called "The Bots of S'Pam"; and the form of these imps and demons is like that of a spyder, which doth crawleth incessantly uponst the Web seeking out the hapless Mailto whereon to feed. For when these Bots of S'Pam findeth a Mailto, they do devour it whole; and returning unto their lair, disgorgeth it again whereby it may be added unto the Book of S'Pam and the Lists of Mailing thereof.
5 Then spake the False Prophet, saying: "Take thou now the Lists of Mailing which the Bots of S'Pam hath brought thee and with them cast forth those glamours which I, even I, hath revealed unto thee. And thy messages shalt be delivered unto the Servers of the Web and the Email Hosts thereof; and thou shalt fill the Boxes of Email of the Elect once, twice, thrice; a myriad times o'er.
6 "Yea, they shalt be filled to overflowing with thy messages. Then shall money flow into thy hands without stint or measure, and all the Good Things which I have promised thee shall cometh to pass".
7 And the S'Pammers did as the False Prophet sayeth: they didst take the Lists of Mailing and therewith didst cast forth their vileness upon the Net, seeking thereby to lead astray the weak, the naive and the innocent. And all the Boxes of Email of the World even from Ultima Thule yea, unto the Antipodes didst overflow with their filth.
2 At the heights thereof have I met many Aetherians like unto thyself: quick of Mind, great of Heart, generous unto the very fault, whose words are fair and seemly and true; so that is my joy to call them "Friend". Yet in the depths thereof encountered I, from the very first, the S'Pammers and their evil works; and the Bots of S'Pam which sought untiredingly to devour my own Mailto; and the filth and corruption and lies of S'Pam itself.
3 Wherefore in my plight turned I unto a great cybersorcerer, one MegaDog the Nettweiler by name, who doth in his First Virtual Church of Dog keepeth a great tome of bronze; and wherein art kept many puissant and potent Charms and Spells which art proof against S'Pam and against S'Pammers and against all their works and mischief. And so that you might share in this proof, herewith let me offereth unto thee such a Charm of Warding as shall lead the Bots of S'Pam astray, as it were, even unto the very Mouth of Perdition.
4 And the form of this Charm is that like unto this very text, to wit:
-or-
glaking (at) cswnet.com
-or yet, again:--
glaking -at- cswnet.com
6 But the Bots of S'Pam are but imps and demons, without will or mind of their own; and servants only of that Great Abomination, who reading this Charm understand it naught and so passeth over it, even as the Destroying Angel did pass over the Children of Israel in their Captivity in Egypt; and passing over, soon depart, seeking out other Mailtos which lieth upon the Aether, unwarded. And I said unto myself, this is good: for now my Mailto shall naught be devoured, nor shall I be added unto the Lists of S'Pam, nor shall my Box of Email overfloweth with the spewings of S'Pam ever again.
2 Now the form which this spell taketh, which the mighty cybersorcerer MegaDog himself hath crafted, is like unto a great list of Mailtos and addresses. But ken thee well this Mystery: for the Mailtos and addresses therein art naught less than even those of the very worshipers of S'Pam themselves, which is to say, of S'Pammers and of those who Serve them, willingly; so that when the Bots of S'Pam shalt uncover this page whereon this spell is cast, they shalt devour these Mailtos unwitting that the addresses are even those of other S'Pammers and so thereby devour themselves!
3 And as they shalt devour these Mailtos and wax fat upon them, so therefore shalt the Lists of Mailing wax fat and bloat with corruption; and the names neither of the Elect nor of the Innocent shall e'er be found within them again. Now to use this great spell, thou must do but one thing: maketh thee a copy of "Spamgard" even as I, Ryleh, hath directed, above; and uploadeth this spell in its entirety unto the Aether; yea, even unto thy own Webbook and the directory thereof.
4 There thou mayest add a link to it from thine own pages an thou so desirest, or naught an thy Server of the Aether doth naught require it of thee; also, thou mayest add at thy pleasure the Mailtos of those worshipers of S'Pam which hath occasion to annoyeth thee betimes, or naught as thou so desirest. More thou need naught do, for this spell maintaineth itself and offereth itself willingly unto the Bots of S'Pam, even as poisoned bait unto that vermin which crawleth and festereth within the lowest sewers.
2 And the name of this great spell is "wpoison," which same might be accessed through the Church and the Book therein. But the language in which that spell art crafted is that same of the cybersorcerers of Yore, which is to say, it hath been penned in CGI, which tongue Ryleh as a simple hedgewizard knoweth naught.
3 It is like unto the first spell but far more puissant in that, when summoned, it createth a page of Mailtos False, on the fly as it were, drawing them from the very air which art their substance, at random. An thou art thineself a cybermage, initiate into all the Mysteries of the Aether; who dost speak all the Tongues and Languages of the Net, and knoweth the Arts and Wisdom intimately thereof; than thou mightest this great spell employ and wield its power most effectively.
4 Howbeit it ill besuiteth a humble hedgewizard to treat of matters wherein he knoweth naught, nor to deal with Entities whose Powers and Potentialities are mysteries unto him; which same, being summoned, naught so easily dispelled might be. Wherefore Ryleh shalt speak no more on this greater, and last, enchantment.
2 Then wit thee well: than shalt the Lists of Mailing wax fat and bloat with the selfsame Filth and Corruption which S'Pam, in the Cesspit of Hell, doth spew. And the S'Pammers in their despair shall wring their hands, rending their clothes and tearing their own hair out in bloodly handfuls, crying out each unto themselves: "We have spent our sustenance, our lives and our money on the Lists of Mailing but it availeth us naught, for they art as corrupt as we.
3 "For now all the filth which we hath spewed upon the Net returneth unto us sevenfold three!" Now in that the money of the Innocent shalt naught their palms cross; nor shalt the coin of the Weak fill their coffers; nor shall they preyest upon the Elect evermore; so that they naught shall have two Bezants wherewith to jingle in their pockets.
4 Than shalt the flesh melt from their bones in famine thereof: gaunt shalt be the skin of their face; their eyes, sunken with hunger; their ribs shalt be as a Xylophone whereuponst the Third Horseman might play; and they shall fainteth for a burger, shake and fries but have naught the coin wherewith it might be obtained. Than shalt the S'Pammers grow wroth: they shalt gnash their teeth in anger, and spittle shall foameth at their mouth in rage.
5 And they shalt cry unto the False Prophet: "Thou hast lied unto us! We have offeredeth up all our sustenance and money unto thee; and done that which thou shewest unto us, though it be an Abomination before the Lord; but the coin of the Innocent yet eludeth now our grasp so that none of thy promises unto us have been fulfilled. Lo, we art starving and fainteth from hunger!"
6 And the False Prophet shalt reply, saying: "Patience! All shall be fulfilled, even as I have promised thee." But of Patience the S'Pammers shalt have naught, for Patience is a Virtue Cardinal; and of virtue hath the S'Pammers none.
7 So that in their rage they shalt layeth hands upon the False Prophet, crying: "Thou liest!" and shalt rend him limb from limb so that one part becometh as a stranger to another; and they shalt broadcast his parts as seed upon a field; and he shalt die the death thereof. Albeit the Earth itself shalt forswear the False Prophet and the parts thereof: no grave shalt hold him, nor bird shalt tasteth of his flesh, nor beast devoureth his parts; for even the maggots and charnel worms shall gaggeth upon the filth and corruption which art his substance.
8 Therefore the Angel of Death shalt gathereth his parts, and gathering them, present them unto Minos, the Judge Infernal. And Minos shalt say: "Hell hath no place for such a one as this!" and he shalt wrappeth his tail about him ten times o'er; so that the Angel of Death shall taketh the parts of the False Prophet and casteth them into the Cesspit of Hell wherein S'Pam doth wallow and spew, wherefore they shall be reunited with the spirit of the Prophet of same.
9 And the parts and the spirit thereof shall sinketh, singly and in pairs, into the mire of that Pit; and they shall be drawn into the nether mouth of S'Pam and consumed thereby entirely; and than they shalt be vomited forth from the mouths of S'Pam, only to sink once more into the Pit. For thus shall be the everlasting torment and punishment of the False Prophet: to be torn apart, and to be consumed by S'Pam, and to be vomited forth by S'Pam again and again and yet again for ever and ever and ever.
10 And when the S'Pammers have done this deed, they shall depart, each unto his own country; but of their own sins and abominations they shalt repenteth themselves naught at all.
2 And the Worm of Envy shall gnaweth at their bowels both day and night without ceasing: for they shall coveth wine and caviar but feasteth betimes on TV dinners and the cola generick; they shalt lusteth after designer clothes and brand-name shoes but clothe their nakedness in secondhand stores and the castoffs of New York City bagladies; with jealous eyes shalt they regard all who maketh their livelihood by honest toil, but their portion shalt be menial so that the words: "Do you want fries with that?" shall naught be far from their lips.
3 Nor for all that shalt they repenteth of their own sins, so that the worshipers of S'Pam shalt perish obdurate and die in their own iniquity. Than shalt they appeareth, trembling, before Minos, the Judge Infernal, who shalt say again: "Begone: Hell hath no place for such a one as this!"
4 And with a great wailing and cries of terror shalt they tumble past all the Nine Circles of Hell even unto the Cesspit of Hell; and falleth therein. And then shalt they see the Bots of S'Pam whom they didst summon to work their iniquities when they were upon the World; and the Bots shall be in their true form, even as Demons of the Cesspit of Hell and Servants of the Abomination, S'Pam.
5 And the Bots of S'Pam shall taunteth them and maketh of them mock, saying: "When thou hast comsumed all the filth and corruption and ordure which art in this Pit, even unto the last remaining drop; and whenst thou hast lickedeth the gardrobes of Hell clean, so that they might shine; than and then only shalt thou be free of this torment." So than shalt the S'Pammers turneth to with a will, sucking up the filth and consuming the ordure of the Pit therein, that they might earn their freedom thereby.
6 But they wit not, as doth the Bots of S'Pam and yea, even as thou and I, gentle reader, that the Cesspit of Hell is bottomless, for the filth and Corruption of Hell is without bounds or measure. So that the S'Pammers which didst in life inflict such pain and torment upon even the Elect shalt in death wallow in the very selfsame excrement and filth they once spewed; and eateth thereof without cease or ending, throughout all the days of Eternity; that is, for ever and ever and ever.
2 Than wilt thy Box of Email overfloweth no longer with the vile spewings of S'Pam; nor the shadow of the Bots of S'Pam shalt darkeneth naught thy Webpages no more; Yea, Goodness and Light shall be with you all your days, even unto the very end! Go thou now in Peace, with the blessings of Ryleh for long Life, good Health and the Love of all thy Brothers and Sisters who sojourn upon the Aether.
Disclaimer: The graphicks shown upon this page are illustrations by Paul Gustave Dore (1833-1883), French painter and sculptor, for "The Inferno" section of Dante's "Divine Comedy." They are is herein presented strictly by way of example, for educational and entertainment purposes only. No infringement of copyright by this author is neither intended nor implied by this presentation.
Note: Harkfast the Traveller hath penned: "I (have) altered all my mailtos so as to thwart the vile, yammering Bots of S'Pam and uploaded your massive Spamgard to my site as two separate html files; one with the .html file extension and one with merely the .htm extension. Heh heh heh...(let them) chew on that..."
This page revised 28 August 2007